


home

by theofiiiinch



Series: the universe [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Moving On, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, mentions of:, steven gets the therapy he deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23761876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theofiiiinch/pseuds/theofiiiinch
Summary: steven begins his recovery journey, and finds home along the way(starts at the end i am my monster and continues into the future)
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Series: the universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726777
Comments: 14
Kudos: 97





	1. guilt

**Author's Note:**

> he is sad :(

Steven didn’t remember anything except crying into Lion. When he woke, he was wrapped tightly in a blanket, surrounded by everyone. The Gems, Connie, The Diamonds, his dad… He felt so guilty. What had he done? What happened? He tried to speak, but nothing came out except for a guttural and pathetic sob. And then he passed out again. 

His dreams were weird and confusing, but that wasn’t new. He dreamt of his mother, Rose Quar-no Pink Diamond, his dream self reminded him. Rose Quartz wasn’t his mother, Pink Diamond was. That’s why he was such an awful person. He woke in a cold sweat, in his bed. How had he gotten here? What time was it? What day was it? His shades were closed, pulled most of the way down with the exception of a small piece that let in a sliver of sunlight. The sunlight indicated that it wasn’t night, but that didn’t clear much up at all. Was it morning? Afternoon? Early evening? And again, what day was it? He pushed the covers off of him and began to get out of bed. Putting both feet on the ground, he proceeded to attempt to stand, only to wobble slightly under shaky and unsteady legs. How long had he been sleeping that caused him to be this unsteady? He fell down, ending up in a sitting position on his bed. Steven began to feel frustrated with himself. If he’d been sleeping for so long, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. And if he couldn’t do anything, he wouldn’t be worthy for anyone. And if he wouldn’t be worthy for anyone he sure as hell wouldn’t be worthy for himself. And-

“Hey shtuball you’re awake!”

His thoughts were interrupted by Greg, who had just walked up the stairs into his room. 

“Dad? What time is it? How long have I been sleeping for? How did I get here? What happened? Is everyone okay? Little Homeworld? The Gems? Lion? Connie?” His voice broke when he said Connie’s name. 

“Woah slooooow down.” Greg said. “Why don’t you come downstairs for some food and we can all talk it over.”

Steven nodded slowly. He got up, slower this time, and made his way down the stairs, using Greg as a crutch. 

As Greg, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl explained what had happened, Steven immediately began glowing bright pink. How could he have been so selfish, so reckless? It was all his fault. He had destroyed half of the house, again, and worried everyone. He didn’t even need help! He could’ve gotten uncorrupted on his own! It wasn’t fair on anyone that they had to take care of him. What really infuriated him almost more, though, was the fact that he had been asleep for three whole days. Three whole days without being able to help anyone. People had been counting on him then. He was sure of it. 

And then he realized that everyone had stopped talking. There was a silence around the table. Everyone was looking at him. Steven looked up, his eyes tracing over all of theirs’. They were scared of him, he realized in utter disgust. Even his dad was scared of him, scared of him corrupting again. Greg cleared his throat, as if he had been reading his mind. 

“Steven, we think it would be best for you to go to therapy.” he said. 

Steven began to protest. “Huh? Why? I’m fine. Seriously I don’t need help. I’m not weak!” 

“We don’t think you’re weak, Steven. A therapist will help you sort out everything that you need.” Garnet spoke up. “I’ve looked into it some, and there are only a few timelines where you don’t get help and they turn out very bad.” 

“We’ve already gotten you the best therapist in Beach City, one that has handled gem issues and that works very well with trauma.” Pearl said gently. “You’re starting next week. Is that okay with you?” 

Steven shrugged. He knew he didn’t have much of a say in it, if they had already gotten him one. Without a word, he pushed away from the table, stood up from his seat, and trudged upstairs.


	2. comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connie comes over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of angst, a little bit of fluff

Steven knew he was going to have to confront Connie at some point. He was just...scared. He didn’t know how she’d react to him just coming up to her and spilling all of his emotional baggage. What was worse was the thought that Connie was scared of him. She was his best friend, and the thought that she could be scared of him was...sickening. That thought made him dizzy with anxiety and anguish. But then again, Connie had every reason to be scared of him. Steven had put her in all sorts of danger over the years. Hell, their first real interaction was when he had put her in mortal danger and gotten them both trapped at the bottom of the ocean in a bubble. But he hadn’t seen Connie since he’d corrupted and God did he miss her. 

That’s why it was no surprise when he heard Pearl call up to him “Steven! Connie’s here!”, which was followed by the sound of Connie’s shoes on the hardwood stairs leading up to his room. 

Connie’s presence had always comforted Steven. This time was no different. Steven was curled up on one side of his bed, facing away from her. He was under the covers, curled into fetal position. He felt his best friend lift up the other end of the covers, and slip into the bed with him. She smelled of vanilla and citrus and a sense of familiarity that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. She didn’t talk, she didn’t touch him. She just laid next to him, breathing softly. She knew when to push and when not to. She wasn’t perfect. She was Connie. His Connie. 

Finally, he spoke. 

“I’m sorry.” he said. “I’m sorry I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorr-”

He was stopped by Connie leaning into him and giving him a hug from behind. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I love you.” 

Steven felt something wet and hot against his back. It took him a moment to realize that Connie was crying. This made him feel guilty. It was his fault that his best friend was crying into his back. He turned around and took her into his arms.

“Hey hey don’t cry. It’s just me.” he said softly. “I’m okay.” 

And then he was crying too. He had been doing a lot of that recently. Honestly it kind of scared him how much he was crying.

“Can we...can we talk about it?” Connie asked, looking up at him. 

“About what?” he asked. This received a glare from Connie, which caused him to sigh. “Fine. We can.” 

And so they did. Connie told Steven all about how worried she had been and how she wished Steven could’ve told her about how he was feeling. She told him all about how scared she was when he was corrupted. Not scared for herself, she explained, but scared for him. She held his hand while Steven told her everything. All about what went down that first day in the woods with Jasper, and then everything that went on from then. He told her about shattering Jasper, even though he didn’t want to in fear of scaring her away or oversharing. Steven told her how he was getting a therapist and how he was actually kind of relieved. He admitted that the idea of it was really scary for him, being so open and vulnerable with someone he’d never met before, but he was willing to try it out. Maybe something good would come from it. 

They spent hours talking and crying and hugging and holding hands and comforting one another. Suddenly, it was dark and Connie admitted that she probably had to get going, making Steven panic a little. All it took was one look at Steven for Connie to know she’d have to stay for her friend, even if it was just for tonight. So she texted her parents and told them where she was staying, curled up next to Steven, and continued to talk with her friend. 

And they stayed like that for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you guys enjoy this chapter!!! this one took a lot of work and i'm really proud of it! i'm gonna canonize steven and connie a little bit later, they're just friends who are madly in love with each other at this point :)


	3. therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steven’s first therapy appointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight tw for mentions of self esteem, self injury, and mental illness

Steven tapped his thumbs against the wheel of the Dondai. He was on his way to his first ever therapy appointment and honestly, he was kind of nervous. He had never been able to actually get help from others. His dad and Connie and the gems had tried to help at certain points, but they didn’t know what was going on inside of his head. Maybe this therapist could actually help him…? Honestly, Steven kind of doubted it. He felt that the gems and his dad were making him go to therapy because they saw him as broken and corrupt. That thought made him angry and sad and nervous and, truthfully, it made him go a little pink. The fact that he went pink made him even more upset, but he couldn’t spiral yet. He could spiral when he went to the therapist’s office. For now, he just had to focus on getting there. 

Getting there wasn’t the hard part, checking in was. Since he didn’t have any insurance or medical information, it took them forever to find him in their system. When he was found in the system, he took forever to get the receptionist the first payment, since he was using his dad’s card and y’know wasn’t actually Greg Universe. Once he had paid he needed to give them his ID, since he was a minor. Because he could drive, that part was generally pretty easy. The receptionist assured him that it would get easier as time went on while handing him an evaluation packet, which he was relieved about. He sat down in one of the lounge chairs and began to fill out his evaluation packet. 

The packet asked all sorts of questions that gave him a 1-10 option, 1 being the least and 10 being the greatest. He was surprised to find himself answering 7 and higher for most of the questions, including the ones related to self esteem, self injury, and trauma. He felt very strange as he looked at these questions that reflected the way he felt about himself. It was an almost...bitter feeling. He couldn’t quite explain it, but he hated the way it made him feel. As he finished the packet his thoughts were interrupted by his name being called. 

“Steven Universe?” the unfamiliar voice called out. 

He looked up. “Yeah that’s me.” he said, rising to his feet. 

“Hi I’m Dr. Phillips. It’s very nice to meet you.” the therapist, a woman in her late 30’s, said with a smile. “Will you follow me to my office? I’ll get you situated and tell you about our process.” 

Steven nodded, smiling slightly. He followed Dr. Phillips out of the receptionist’s office and into a long carpeted hallway with many doors on either side of him. Dr. Phillips finally stopped at the last door on the left, opened it, and motioned for Steven to enter. When he went inside, Dr. Phillips closed the door behind him. Steven looked around the office nervously. There was a couch on one wall, with pillows and blankets on it and a chair directly across from it. In one corner of the room, there was a big desk piled high with books and an office chair sat adjacent to it. Across the room, Steven noticed a bookshelf with books on the Gem War, PTSD, and all other kinds of things. On the top of it, there was a selection of toy things, mostly unfamiliar to Steven. Next to the couch there was a side table with more toys, a box of tissues, and one of those plastic water bottles. The office was minimalistic, but homy, and very warm. It was surprisingly cozy. 

“Take a seat Steven, get comfortable.” she said. 

Steven sat gingerly on the couch, perched on the very edge. He was nervous and didn’t really know how to act around Dr. Phillips. How was he supposed to treat her? Was there a certain therapy etiquette that he didn’t know about? Was he supposed to treat her like a friend? A parent? A gem? What was she supposed to be to him? He could feel himself spiral with these thoughts. How was he supposed to act? Why didn’t he just know what to do. 

“I can see that you’re getting anxious Steven, would you like to discuss this?” 

“I just don’t know how to act around you.” Steven blurted. He immediately regretted it, though. It felt impolite to say. 

“That’s okay. I’m assuming this is your first time with a therapist.” Dr. Phillips said, getting a nod from Steven. “Well, we’ll take it slow then. We can talk about whatever you’d like. This is 100% confidential, unless you say that you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else.” 

Steven nodded. “O-okay that sounds good.” 

“Where do you want to start?” Dr. Phillips asked. 

“You haven’t looked at my evaluation chart yet.” 

“Do you want me to?” 

Steven shrugged. “I mean, I guess…? I just thought you’d want to get to know me.” 

Dr. Phillips nodded, smiling. She flipped through Steven’s chart quickly. 

“Alright I’ve looked. Now I can get to know you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter HITS please enjoy


	4. panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks, post traumatic flashbacks, possible self injury

The day started off very normal. Steven started the day off like he normally did: sitting in bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering when it would all end. After his corruption, he was cripplingly exhausted. He barely got out of bed to eat or get water or see people. He left all of the windows closed, making sure that no light was let in. He avoided the gems and his dad at all costs. He didn’t want to lash out at them, but he was actually kind of mad at them. He had only had a few therapy sessions, but he told Dr. Phillips about a lot of his problems. He told her all about the feelings of betrayal he felt towards his mother, told her about corrupting, explained his anger and frustration toward his dad for not giving him a normal life. Therapy was supposed to help him, wasn’t it? But he was still so angry. He was even angry at Connie for rejecting his proposal. At the same time, he blamed himself for causing all these problems. He put this all on himself. 

Anger and frustration and uncertainty flooded. As Steven curled into fetal position under his covers, he brought his hands to his head. He was angry towards his family, the people who had raised him and were supposed to make him feel better no matter what. Everything was supposed to be fine. His eyes prickled with tears. He was so angry and he couldn’t do ANYTHING about it. He was supposed to be Steven fucking Universe, savior of the universe and bringer of peace. Except he couldn’t bring peace to his own fucking brain. Dr. Phillips had described something called Complex PTSD, which was a mental illness that was like PTSD except it stemmed from ongoing trauma as opposed to one particular traumatic incident. Steven knew what that meant. It meant that he was fucked up. His brain was fucked up. He was broken, a monster, couldn’t do anything right except for hurt people. And even then he had to fix everything. 

Memories came to him suddenly. Memories of shattering Jasper, hurting people and gems alike. Memories of finding out about his mom, learning that he was a Diamond. The final battle, everything that had happened with Spinel, everything leading up to the corruption. Memories slammed through his head, making him angry and scared and sad and guilty. Without realizing it, he began to glow pink all over his body. He felt so trapped in his own body and mind, so worthless. 

Everything was so bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Nothing he did was ever good enough for anyone. Especially for himself. He was so bad. He was a monster and everyone knew it, they just didn’t know how to handle it. How the fuck could you handle the son of Pink Diamond, the worst Diamond, the Diamond who threw tantrums and hurt people. He was destined to hurt people, it was in his blood. And he had hurt people before. He hurt his dad, he hurt the Gems, he hurt Connie, he even hurt Jasper. 

Steven suddenly began to feel very anxious being in the open space that was his bed. He stood up from his bed, feeling incredibly panicky. If he could just make the space smaller, trap himself somewhere, maybe the feelings would go away. He grabbed the nearest chairs in his room and began to make a fort of some sort. He purposefully made it as small as possible so he could curl up in a tiny ball and cry. And well, he did exactly that. His tiny fort was surprisingly comfortable, with his mattress as the floor and the “ceiling” a blanket, hanging very low. He felt more secure, but the memories still continued slightly. They weren’t as loud now, but they were still there, in the back corner of his mind. He grabbed his head and pulled at his hair, sobbing into the mattress on the floor. He was so scared of himself. 

Eventually, the memories stopped and Steven finished glowing pink. It was over. He was so fucking relieved, but so exhausted suddenly. He grabbed the blanket that was being used as the ceiling of his fort, pulled it over him, and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh boy he is sad


	5. together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connie comforts steven 
> 
> (takes place after the last chapter)

The Gems had called Connie over when they saw Steven on the floor, sweating and shivering and crying and glowing pink. His dreams had connected to the TV again and they were….very bad. So the Gems called Connie to see if she could help him at all. She arrived as fast as she could, which was pretty fast considering the fact that she had Lion. When she got to Steven’s place, the Gems immediately rushed her inside. 

“Is he okay?” she asked

“We don’t know.” Pearl said truthfully. “His dreams aren’t normal dreams. They’re memories.”

“Flashbacks, probably.” Connie said. “I’ll go help him.” 

She padded up the stairs quietly, as to not disturb the already distressed boy on the floor. She took off her shoes and unplugged the TV to ensure that his dreams wouldn’t interfere with the electrical currents. After unplugging the TV, she slipped under the covers next to him and wrapped her arms around him. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, bringing him closer to her in an attempt to comfort Steven. 

“It’s okay.” she whispered softly. “You’re okay.” 

Suddenly, Steven woke up. He felt Connie’s arms around him and scrambled out of her touch, which caused him to fall out of the mattress on the floor and bang his head. 

“Shit.” he hissed, rubbing his head. And then he looked up. “Connie?” 

“Are you okay?” Connie asked, concerned. 

“Yeah I’m fine. Gem bones, remember?” Steven responded with a halfhearted chuckle. 

Connie came out from under the covers, sitting on the mattress. She looked around the room, noticing the mess. There were clothes strewn all around on the floor, random uneaten scraps of food and old meals the Gems and Greg had taken up for him, pictures of Connie and Steven from when they were younger in a pile on the floor, punches in the walls, a shattered picture frame that once held a picture of Greg and Rose on the floor. Steven’s phone was turned off and sitting on his desk, along with a stack of brochures from schools Connie had been touring. 

“Don’t mind the mess.” Steven said, noticing Connie looking around the room. “I just haven’t gotten around to cleaning yet.” 

“Steven… Are you okay…?” Connie asked softly. 

From her months spent studying, Connie knew signs of depression, and this was a sure sign that Steven was depressed. The messy room, the frequent breakdowns, the punches in the wall… It was heartbreaking to see the boy she cared so much about, was so deeply in love with, falling apart like this. It was clear that his corruption had done potentially irreversible damage to his psyche. He was seeing a therapist though, wasn’t he? Had they been helping him at all? Connie’s thoughts raced as Steven looked at her and shrugged. 

“My room’s just messy. I’m good though.” he said. 

“Steven have you been talking to your therapist about all of this?” 

“I mean, I guess. But why? I’m fine Connie.” 

“Steven, you’re clearly struggling here.” 

“No I’m not. I’m perfectly normal. Just the son of the worst Diamond to exist. And a total monster and a broken person and just a big fuck up. But other than that I’m perfectly normal!” Steven said, in a forced cheery tone. 

Tears pricked at Connie’s eyes. 

“Oh Steven…” she said softly, standing to approach her friend. She reached her hand out to give Steven a hug. 

Steven accepted the hug, leaning into his friend. Tears flooded his eyes and he shuddered into Connie’s shoulder. 

“I’m so broken.” he sobbed. “I’m so broken and so angry all the time.” 

“We can always talk about it.” Connie said, stroking Steven’s hair. “We can talk about why you’re feeling so bad.”

“I’m actually really angry at you.” Steven admitted sheepishly. “Is that stupid?” 

“You can be as angry at me as you want.” Connie said. “But please could you tell me why?” 

Steven nodded breaking from the hug. He wiped his eyes and exhaled softly. 

“You didn’t accept my proposal.” he said quietly. “That’s stupid isn’t it?” 

Connie shook her head. “Steven, that’s not stupid at all. If I’m being honest, I’d love to marry you someday. But we’re both so young.” she said.

“Really? You’d want to marry me?” Steven asked, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. 

“Of course I would, Steven! I love you.” 

“I-I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like....ig they’re canon now ;)


	6. mr universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the greg chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> greg and steven have a family therapy session!!!

Therapy was going surprisingly well for Steven. He began to feel more comfortable with Dr. Phillips and he was slowly learning how to open up and manage his emotions a little bit. The week before his upcoming appointment, Dr. Phillips suggested bringing Greg in for a family session. At first, Steven was hesitant. He didn’t know if he was even ready to talk to his dad about everything that had gone on. But then Dr. Phillips mentioned that he’d be in a perfectly safe space with her as a lifeline if needed and Steven agreed. And that’s how Greg and Steven ended up in the Dondai driving to Dr. Phillips’ office. 

When they got to the office, Steven parked and got out of the car, fidgeting nervously with his keys. The father and son walked into the office and Greg sat in one of the chairs while Steven checked in. He made small talk with the receptionist, telling her about how he was doing a family session with his dad. This made the receptionist grin as she gave him the check in packet and the one for Greg. 

Steven walked back from the check in desk and handed the packet for Greg. 

“This is for you. It’s to evaluate what you’ve noticed me doing.” Steven explained. “You need to answer each question as truthfully as possible, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest.” 

“Thanks shtuball.” Greg said. “Is it weird that I’m nervous?” 

Steven chuckled. “Dad, I'm nervous every time I come in.” 

Greg grinned and the two of them began to fill out the forms. They were interrupted by Dr. Phillips calling Steven’s name. Her eyes lit up and crinkled at the corners with a grin upon seeing Greg. 

“Steven I’m glad you brought Greg today.” she said. “You must be Mr Universe.” 

Greg nodded. “In the flesh. It’s very nice to finally meet you.” 

“Likewise.” Dr Phillips said, leading the two of them down the hallway and into her office. 

Steven immediately sat down on the big couch, grabbing his favorite fidget toy and getting comfortable. Greg sat down next to Steven, looking around and taking it all in. Dr. Phillips sat across the two of them in her chair with a warm and welcoming smile. 

“So, Steven, how are you doing today?” Dr. Phillips asked. 

“I’m really nervous. It’s hard with Dad here.” the teen admitted, getting a nod from Dr. Phillips. 

“Would you two be comfortable with the floor being open to conversation?” Dr. Phillips asked. 

Steven looked at her nervously. He didn’t know how Greg would react to the things he had to say and Dr. Phillips knew this. It was something they had talked about in earlier sessions. 

“I’ll be right here if I need to intervene.” Dr. Phillips assured. 

With that Steven nodded. Greg had been listening closely and agreed that it would be a good idea. The two of them hadn’t really had the bond they used to, especially after their impromptu road trip that ended in disaster. It would be nice to actually talk to his son without making him upset. 

Steven began talking all about the resentment and bitterness he felt after learning that Greg had kept a structured life away from him. He talked about how he thought his life would’ve been easier if he just had a normal life without gem politics to deal with and how maybe he wouldn’t have so much trauma to deal with. He brought up all of the anger he felt towards his mother and how he wished her family was at least somewhat more normal and less, well, deadly. He even talked about how even though he loved Greg he was angry that instead of getting upset when Steven told him off and crashed the car, he had been proud of him for sticking up for himself. He told him all about the feelings of being constantly in danger and that he had all of this anger and fear built up inside of him and that he felt like he was worthless without being able to help others. The part that choked them both up was when Steven talked about his intrusive thoughts and ideas of being worthless and pathetic and weak. 

Greg listened to Steven and told him about how much he loved him and that he was his son. He hugged Steven when it seemed appropriate and comforted him. He told him about how much he resented his parents and wanted to give his kids as much freedom as they wanted, but he understood how it could be destructive as opposed to productive. But most of all, Greg told his son that he loved him with everything he had and that he was genuinely proud of him for becoming the young adult he turned out to be. 

When the session ended, there were tears in eyes and hugs being given and steps taken towards a healthier and happier relationship. The two of them walked out of the office and into the Dondai to go back home. 

As they approached the highway to get back home, Steven looked over at Greg. 

“Hey Dad?” he asked. 

“What’s up shtuball?” Greg said. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this literally took forever i hope y’all enjoy


	7. jam (more than) buds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> won’t you share this jam with me?

Steven had been seeing Connie a lot more recently. They did everything together; From driving around in the Dondai with the windows down to just hanging out in Steven’s room. Everything felt normal again. Except there was something else: He was in love with her. Every moment he spent with Connie made his heart swell and all of the anxiety rise from him. He felt, well, normal around her. He had even started hanging out with Daniel and Patricia from Connie’s cram school. The two told them all about their adventures in Space and about Lion and Stevonnie. Every time he looked over at Connie, watching her laugh and talk with her other friends, he fell more and more in love. He didn’t want to tell her, though because he didn’t want to ruin the friendship. 

Connie had told him she’d want to get married at some point, but Steven couldn’t quite decipher what that meant. Would they be getting married as friends? As Stevonnie? As a couple? Thinking about it confused him and made his head hurt, but at the same time, he was just glad that Connie would be interested in marrying him at some point. Because that meant she loved him, right? And that they were a part of each other's futures. Steven had told Dr. Phillips about all of this, and about how he was feeling. With a smile, his therapist suggested that he tell Connie about how he was feeling and to talk to her, which is what Steven suspected he’d hear. 

So on one particularly warm evening, Steven walked to Connie’s house with the intention of talking about their relationship. He had texted Connie that he was gonna be coming over and that she should be ready for him and for a walk. When he got to Connie’s house, Connie was already outside. 

“So what’s with the ‘I need to talk be ready’ text?” Connie asked with a grin.

“We’re going on a walk.” Steven said.

“Please tell me you’re not proposing again.” Connie joked. 

“Ouch. Too soon.” 

“Fair enough.” 

With that, Steven grabbed Connie’s hand and the two started on their way to the beach. Steven had planned the whole thing to a T. He had set up a picnic by the beach, complete with jam and bread, a speaker so they could dance together, and flowers. He didn’t want to make it too much like his proposal, so he chose the place they fused for the first time, and he didn’t bring his guitar. Instead he brought his ukulele. 

When Connie saw the picnic setup, her eyes lit up, which made Steven’s knees go weak. 

“Steven this is beautiful I-” Connie started, only to be cut off by the first chords of their Jam Song which brought tears to her eyes. 

Steven began to sing the sweet song, slowing it down slightly for dramatic effect. When he finished the song, Connie smiled. He looked up at his best friend, his fusion partner, his future, the person he loved more than anything. 

“Connie, I've known you since we were just little kids. You were my first friend, the first person I fused with, and the first person my age that I’ve felt a genuine connection to. You keep me sane, you keep me humble, you keep me safe no matter what. I want to keep you as safe as you keep me, but it’s scary sometimes. I’m learning that that’s okay and that we’ll be okay.” Steven started. 

Connie wiped tears from her eyes, a blush growing on her face. 

“But what I’ve learned from all of this,” Steven continued, “Is that I love you. In a more than a friend way. I’m so madly in love with you it’s insane. You’re the only person I want to be with, no matter where life takes us. I look at you and all I see is the love of my life.” 

“Steven….” Connie started, trailing off to gather her own thoughts. 

Steven winced at the pause, regret flowing through him. What if she didn’t like him back? How could she love him too? His hands began to sweat and he rubbed them against his jeans. 

“Connie I’m sorry I don’t want to pressure you into liking me back or anything. I just-” 

He was cut off by Connie pressing her lips to his. The kiss only lasted a few seconds before Steven backed away, face hot and hands still sweaty. 

“I love you too.” Connie said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they’re canon bitches!!!!!!!!! PREPARE for cute connverse shit now! 
> 
> ALSO! if i were to write a fic about Connie going on the road trip with Steven would y’all be interested in it? if so, should i make it the sequel to this fic or its own thing?


	8. scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steven feels ugly :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for scars and maybe mentions of body dysmorphia

Summer came to Beach City surprisingly fast. And with the first wave of tourists that made the city a bustling place full of laughter and families trying to escape their suburban lifestyles to go to the beach, came the first heat wave of the year. The sun brought sweltering temperatures of 100 degrees and above. It was the perfect weather for swimming in the ocean, eating ice cream and snow cones, driving in the Dondai with the windows down all the way, and skating at the air conditioned Starlight Roller Rink. Steven’s favorite activity was doing anything with Connie. 

Since cram school and normal school had ended for the summer, Steven was in luck because that meant more time with Connie. The two of them, now a couple, had been going on many “dates”, which was basically what they had been doing before they officially got together. Hanging out in Steven’s room and washing the Dondai and going down to the beach to practice their sword fighting. It was Connie’s idea to go to the beach with Daniel and Patricia, but Steven wasn’t complaining much. He honestly really liked Daniel and Patricia; They were nice and Connie’s friends. So Steven agreed to meet the three of them at the beach around 1:00 for swimming and other beach related activities. 

As 12:30 hit, Steven began getting ready to hang out with Connie and her friends. He had gotten a bottle of water for himself and Connie and some snacks which he put in a cooler. He grabbed his towel and put everything by the front door. He proceeded to go upstairs to put on his swim suit, checking the time on his phone as he went up. 12:40. Steven had 20 minutes to get ready and meet the others at the beach. Shouldn’t be too bad, he thought to himself. 

As Steven put on his swim trunks, anxiety and dread suddenly filled his stomach. He suddenly became hyper aware of his gem and the scars on his back from corrupting. He put his hand on his stomach, feeling the cold, hard stone where his belly button should’ve been. It was a clear indicator that he wasn’t a normal 16 year old like Connie and Patricia and Daniel. He took off his shirt and stood facing his back to the mirror. He turned his head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of his scars. They were long and still slightly pink and went all the way down his back. A sound between a sob and a gasp escaped Steven’s mouth as he touched the once soft skin of his back. He was so transfixed by his ugly scars, he didn’t even hear Connie come into the house. 

“Steven?” Connie called, heading up the stairs. 

Steven was sat in front of the mirror, hands around his body, sniffling slightly. He felt so ugly and broken and ashamed of the way he looked. Connie looked at her boyfriend, approaching him carefully. The way he looked made her heart ache and tears prick at her eyes. Upon hearing Connie’s footsteps, Steven turned around to look at her, suddenly out of his trance-like state. His face flushed red, and he scrambled to put on a shirt. 

“Connie! I didn’t hear you come up! What are you doing here?” Steven said, attempting to mask the pain in his voice. 

“I came to check on you.” Connie said. “It’s 1:15 and I started to worry… What were you doing in front of the mirror?” 

“Oh uh nothing-” Steven started, only to be cut off by Connie’s concerned glance. “Okay fine. I’m never gonna be normal. I have these scars and this gem and it just...it drives home the fact that I’m not normal like you and Daniel and Patricia. I’m just….I’m just so ugly.” 

“Oh Steven..” Connie whispered, approaching the shorter boy and wrapping her arms around him. “You’re not ugly. You’re beautiful. And you’re not normal, but no one cares about that! You’re not normal because you’re cool!” 

Steven sank to the ground, letting the shirt he had been trying to put on earlier fall to the ground. Connie followed in suit, keeping her arms around him. Her fingers found the rough skin of his scars and kept them there. She pulled him in tight and pressed a kiss to his freckled shoulder. 

“Daniel and Patricia don’t care about how you look.” Connie stated gently. “They just care that you’re their friend.” 

Steven nodded, breaking from the hug. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and stood up, holding a hand out to Connie. 

“So are we going or what?” he said with a grin. 

Connie took his hand with a laugh. “To the beach!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff and angst babey!!!! also i made a playlist for this fic!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1yqQtV898FdbyxhSYUY8bf?si=m4wq8OzfSTmL5cz5eayw7A


	9. the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steven’s birthday and telling people about his plans for the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he recounts some memories :’)

Steven woke up on his birthday with a plan in his head. He’d already discussed it with Dr. Phillips, and she said it was an excellent plan. He was finally gonna get out of Beach City and go on a cross-country road trip, exploring every city and state. He’d only talked to Dr. Phillips about it, though, so now he just had to find a way to tell all of his friends and his family. 

He decided to tell Greg first, for obvious reasons. He began his walk to the car wash, humming a familiar tune. He watched families playing on the beach, took in the familiar sight of the boardwalk, smiled as people wished him happy birthday. He approached the car wash and found his dad sitting outside. 

“Hey shtuball!” Greg said with a grin. “Happy birthday! I have something for you!” 

“Thanks Dad.” Steven said, opening up the back of the van and sitting on the edge. “I actually need to talk to you too.” 

Greg came back with a medium sized box wrapped in paper. He handed it to Steven with a smile. Steven opened it up to find a photo album inside. He grabbed the album gingerly and started to flip through the pages. Each photo was a new memory. Pictures of Steven with his ukulele, a family photo, and a picture of Greg and Rose were only some of the memories that were shown in the album. 

“Dad…” Steven said softly, wiping a tear from his eye. 

“There are empty pages for whatever memories you choose to put in.” Greg said with a grin. 

“Thank you.” Steven said, wrapping his dad in a hug. 

“So what do you need to talk to me about?” Greg asked, breaking from the hug. 

Steven cleared his throat. “I’m leaving Beach City.” 

“I know.” 

“You...know..?” Steven asked, shocked. 

“Of course I know! This town is suffocating and you’re 17 now! Why do you think I made that scrapbook for you? You’ve gotta remember this place somehow.” 

Steven laughed. “So you don’t mind that I’m leaving?” 

“If anything, I’m proud of you! I’ll miss you, but it’s about time you left the nest. Plus, you can call, text, and always visit!” 

Steven gave his dad another hug. “I’m leaving in a week.” 

“I know. You should tell Connie.” 

Steven chuckled softly. “I was going to invite her to come with me. Do you think she’ll want to?” 

“I know she’ll want to.” 

Steven smiled. “I love you Dad. I’m gonna go to Connie’s.” 

And with that, Steven got up from the van, scrapbook in tow, and started the walk to Connie’s place. He’d taken this walk hundreds of times and each time just got better and better. He recounted all of his memories with Connie thus far. The first time they met, the first time they fused, the first time they kissed, sword fighting, saving the world. A tear went down his face, which he wiped away as he approached Connie’s door. He knocked twice and the door was opened by Connie’s dad. 

“Happy birthday, Steven.” Doug said with a smile. “Come in, come in. Connie! Steven’s here!”

Steven entered the familiar house, only to be tackle hugged by Connie after she practically flew down the stairs from her room. 

“Happy birthday!!!” she said, giving Steven a kiss on the cheek. “I have something for you! Come upstairs with me.” 

“Door open three inches!” Doug reminded, as the pair went up the stairs hand in hand. 

“Connie I actually have something to tell you.” Steven said, sitting cross legged on her bed. 

“You’re leaving Beach City and want me to come with you.” 

“I’m leaving Beach City and - wait what?”   
“Oh come on silly! I know you better than you know you.” Connie said with a chuckle. “I’ve already talked to my parents about it and they said it’s fine. They want me to go with you! They say it’ll be something colleges will want to see on applications and it will be a great experience.” 

“So you’re coming?” Steven asked sheepishly.

“Of course I am.” Connie said, placing a kiss on Steven’s head and putting a small bag in his lap. “This is for you by the way.” 

Steven opened up the bag and saw the picture of the two of them from when they were younger along with another picture from one of their dates at the Starlight Roller Rink and a braided leather bracelet that had a small silver heart on it. 

“Connie...it’s beautiful.” 

“I have the matching one.” Connie said, holding out her wrist to show a bracelet with a rose gold star. 

Steven pulled Connie into a long hug, burrowing his face into her shoulder. He grinned, happy tears flowing onto his girlfriend’s shoulder. Connie broke the hug and wiped the tears from Steven’s eyes, letting her hand rest on his face. 

“I can’t wait to spend the future together.” Steven whispered, pressing his forehead to Connie’s. “We leave next week, so you’d better start packing.” 

Connie giggled. “I’ve been ready since I figured it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooo this is it. the final chapter. since this is done, i’m gonna start the sequel which will be connie and steven on the road trip together! hope you guys have enjoyed thus far.

**Author's Note:**

> i literally haven't written a fic in YEARS i hope this is something of interest


End file.
